So when I'm feeling up to it, I will have an abundance of posts about my adventures this past month. I went to Boulder, CO for the Big Feed, went to Ohio for a wedding, visited a couple MFA programs, had an art show, and helped move a whole coffee shop with muscles not motors. With no coffee shop this month while the new one is being built out, my internet access has been scarce and hence a lack of posts.
I'm sitting in EBCO right now reflecting on the amazing month I've had and the subsequent lack of funds in my bank account. I've been out of a job as the coffee shop moves from one location to another. The job was yanked out from under my feet after my travelling plans and art show plans were already set in motion. Pushing fear out of my view, I went forward with these plans and continued to dare to trust that ends would meet at the end of the month. I even thought I would sell some art. I am now 10 days away from my rent being due with no idea how that will happen.
The month has been full of so many blessings; I've been able to catch up with so many old friends, make some new ones, and I was able to display my work in a well-received show. Yet today, it feels like I made a series of mistakes. Instead of travelling, making, and LIVING, I should have been working. I should have applied at the temp agency weeks ago, and foregone my visits and art. This is the message I'm receiving and I'm so confused. Why am I wired to do work that doesn't pay the bills, that doesn't allow me to support myself? Why must I choose between feeling alive and making a living? How come my gifts continue to feel like burdens?
Where do I go from here?