So when I'm feeling up to it, I will have an abundance of posts about my adventures this past month. I went to Boulder, CO for the Big Feed, went to Ohio for a wedding, visited a couple MFA programs, had an art show, and helped move a whole coffee shop with muscles not motors. With no coffee shop this month while the new one is being built out, my internet access has been scarce and hence a lack of posts.
I'm sitting in EBCO right now reflecting on the amazing month I've had and the subsequent lack of funds in my bank account. I've been out of a job as the coffee shop moves from one location to another. The job was yanked out from under my feet after my travelling plans and art show plans were already set in motion. Pushing fear out of my view, I went forward with these plans and continued to dare to trust that ends would meet at the end of the month. I even thought I would sell some art. I am now 10 days away from my rent being due with no idea how that will happen.
The month has been full of so many blessings; I've been able to catch up with so many old friends, make some new ones, and I was able to display my work in a well-received show. Yet today, it feels like I made a series of mistakes. Instead of travelling, making, and LIVING, I should have been working. I should have applied at the temp agency weeks ago, and foregone my visits and art. This is the message I'm receiving and I'm so confused. Why am I wired to do work that doesn't pay the bills, that doesn't allow me to support myself? Why must I choose between feeling alive and making a living? How come my gifts continue to feel like burdens?
Where do I go from here?
Call your family and ask them if they will pay you ten dollars a day for the next ten days to make things for them. Each day everyone gets a new piece of art/craft/functional art/potholders/necklaces/etc. Each friend/family member, each day, ten dollars per. If you can get 3 or 4 of them to do this, you're good.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel weird about asking. It's a pretty good deal. Most people spend ten dollars a day on stuff they do NOT need. Set up a pay pal button for them so they don't even have to send a lump sum. Literally ten dollars a day and they can pick whatever they want on a free google site that you build.
Also, don't worry about all the guilt you feel from not doing what you should, and the anger you feel from feeling like you shouldn't feel guilty. Life rarely sends messages that are good. You have to make your own messages. Out of paper and glitter and glue. And then sell them to your family.